Happy New Year

So, the year has ended huh? Guess this means that I have yet another year to live!

I love how a new year brings the feeling of a fresh start, how it revives dying hopes and relieves past dreams. It’s like you have another shot at those missed goals, chance after failing and more dreams to chase. I love the beauty of it, the color it paints in our wildest imaginations and the noise it radiates in our ears. I love it. I love New Years!

I spent welcoming the year 2014 with my family. You see, January 1 is also my brother’s birthday. It was indeed more special for us. We went singing our hearts out in the karaoke and right when the countdown ended, we went shouting and made noise, jumping, throwing coins and I also went running around the house. They say these are the things you need to do every New Year to attract luck (well, except for the last one. I just did it and it actually felt good). Then, comes the best part to every celebration, EATING. And although we didn’t have much money to spend to buy a lot of food (which nobody would actually eat anyways except us), we were still blessed enough to have sufficient food which by the way were very sinful in good ways (I just meant yummy, okay?) set on our dinner table.

Actually, it was more than enough. 2 days after, we still have food left. I bet those would last for a few more days even.  So this is me saying that we don’t really need a lot of food or new things whatever to welcome the New Year or celebrate holidays right. I think it only feels right when you are celebrating it with the right people, the ones you love and value most. Like on birthdays, when you are surrounded by bunch of people who don’t know you or care about you, then what’s the point of celebrating it? Isn’t birthdays supposed to mean that you are someone that somebody cares about and that they are thankful you exist and that they wish you’d have good health and more birthdays to come?

I think that is why new years are great for me. I get to wake up and wait until 12 midnight with the people I care about. It’s like we are leaving the past year and embracing the new one together. TOGETHER, it feels home and I feel happy and safe.

I wished everybody got to welcome the New Year feeling happy. And for those who weren’t able to celebrate it with their loved ones because they have these tough responsibilities to handle, I wish them an understanding heart that they may know they are cared for and that someone is thinking about them and that they have families who waits for them to come home.

Perhaps the best way to celebrate the New Year is to be thankful for the past years and know deep within you that you have a place to return to when you have nowhere else to go, a place where you are loved cared and valued; home.



Permanent Goodbye

I just lost my uncle today, just a few hours ago. It came as a surprise. I don’t know what to feel, what to think. I don’t know how to comfort his family, my cousins, my aunt as I myself is deeply saddened by this unpleasant surprise.

He is not just like any typical uncle because he has a heart of a lady. Many are intrigued why he has two lovely children and a very supportive wife despite of him being gay. I don’t know either. I don’t know how it all started. But one thing is for sure, that their story is about love. A very unique and nurturing story of love.

All my life, I have grown to be with his happy and humorous presence. I can still remember him asking why I still don’t have a boyfriend and that I should get one to make my life extra exciting. I remember him acknowledging how I got fat and how good I look at times. I remember him advising me that I should start learning how to apply makeup because it will make me look better. I can remember him getting annoyed by how I used to clatter all his makeups and how I often go to him to borrow clothes for parties that I will attend  but remains supportive still (Yes! He has clothes that I can wear!). I can still remember him sleeping in their couch whenever I visit their house because he has a hangover from the party he attended the other night. I remember him smiling with that look of curiosity whenever we bumped at each other at some gatherings, asking “Kinsa imung kauban?”(Who’s with you?)

I remember him, I clearly remember how happy things seem when he is around.

Now, he’s gone. I will miss how he lights situations up. I will miss all his delicious dishes he cooks for whatever celebrations we have at home. I will miss how he puts my makeup on.I will miss how he shouts “NADINE!” whenever he sees me. I will miss him. I will miss you Uncle Boy. We all will.

With regret and sadness, I bid goodbye to an incredible uncle like you! I love you. 😦


I can still remember your smile.